Is the Vicious ‘Swamp Bugger’ Attacking New Yorkers at Night?

During a recent trip through New York State, I stumbled across the terrifying remains of a 'Swamp Bugger' and wondered why I'd never heard of this ferocious creature before.

I discovered the Swamp Bugger while shopping at a small shop near Seneca Lake. The shop was decorated with dozens of taxidermy animals. On the walls were deer heads, waterfowl and other hunting trophies that consisted of huge, horned beasts. If being surrounded by a bunch of dead animals wasn't unsettling enough, as I turned down one of the aisles I came face to face with one of the most terrifying animals I've ever seen.

This nightmarish animal is said to be a doglike creature that's "a cross between a Doberman and a coyote."  What makes the Swamp Bugger even more horrifying is that it's said to be stalking humans in New York.

According to a plaque next to the taxidermied animal head, the Swamp Bugger's official name is a Weimerultraine. This carnivorous mammal is said to be indigenous to the swamp lands of the Finger Lakes.

Standing approximately 13"-17" at the shoulder this doglike creature resembles a cross breeding between a Doberman Pincer and a coyote. However the hind quarters are profoundly developed. Normally a reclusive creature the Swamp Bugger gathers in packs during mating season.

This all seemed simply terrifying, but as I read more I began to become a little suspicious.

Known for its thievishness, strength and cunning this creature rarely attacks man unless provoked, at which time he will spring from a crouched position, using its exceptional hind leg strength, springing its jaws with a vise-like grip on the genital area of its victim. This explains the loud shrieking cries which until the late 1800's were thought to be evil "Swamp Spirits".

An animal that specifically targets the genitals of its human victims? This didn't seem to make sense, so I pulled out my phone and searched "Weimerultrane." When Google returned exactly zero results I knew something was up. I then searched for information on a Swamp Bugger and began to realize exactly what was happening.

The Swamp Bugger, or "Swamp Booger" is an inside joke amongst those who practice taxidermy. Also known as an "Assquatch", these stuffed and mounted animals are taxidermy pieces that have been put together from the leftover buttocks of real animals after their head has been mounted.

Apparently, this wasn't a real animal at all, but just an elaborate practical joke on gullible tourists. I must say that I was relieved and at the same time pretty impressed that someone could create a terrifying-looking creature like this from leftover deer parts.

So rest easy knowing that you and your genitals are safe to explore the Finger Lakes after dark without fear of a Swamp Bugger clamping down on your junk.