Are Beards Really Filthy? Our Lab Results Reveal the Truth

Are beards really full of bacteria, germs and fecal matter? With the help of a microbiologist we found out the shocking truth.

You've probably heard the sensationalistic headlines about men's beards being filled with all sorts of pathogens, including human excrement. It sounds terrible, and yet entirely plausible. Who hasn't looked at a hipster with one of those long, scraggly beards and wondered what was actually living inside there?

As a germaphobe I needed to know the truth once and for all, so we called our friends at Health Quest to conduct an experiment. The Boris & Robyn Show's producer, Chris (who we affectionately refer to as Meat Sandwich), is one of those exceptionally hairy guys that would most likely harbor gross germs like E-coli. So now all we had to do test the germs on Meat Sandwich's giant beard against my own clean-shaven face. Surely, I would come out cleaner... right?

Earlier this week we headed over to Vassar Brothers Medical Center to get our faces swabbed in the Health Quest labs, and after a few days the results were finally in. Melinda Lee, a microbiologist supervisor for Health Quest, came into the studio and gave us the news live on air:

According to Lee, Meat Sandwich's disgusting, hairy beard and my beautiful clean-shaven face had the same results. There were no germs or E-coli present, just "normal skin flora." As Lee explained, no one's face is completely sterile so there will always be normal bacteria present, which the lab refers to as normal skin flora.

So according to our scientific results, there was virtually no difference in cleanliness between a shaven face and a bearded face. In fact, the beard had even less bacteria than my shaved face. Really? How could that be?

What about the results of those other stories that have gone national, grossing out bearded hipsters and the ones who have to live with them? Lee says that it all comes down to science. The study that resulted in participants' beards being full of harmful bacteria was not a controlled study. One of the major problems in the original study was a failure to compare between bearded and non-bearded faces.

Melinda Lee also questioned the general cleanliness of the people used in the original study that found fecal flora living in their beards. Lee says that people who practice good hygiene and wash their hands should not have E-coli on their faces, no matter how much hair they have.

So our bearded listeners can rest easy with the knowledge that they are no dirtier than their smooth-skinned counterparts. I, however, will continue to refuse to watch our producer eat hot wings while getting sauce all over his big, grizzly beard. That's still just disgusting.